Humor Behind The Badge

During my career as a police officer, there were times that the job did have its lighter moments. It was during these times that one had to smile, because you just could not find fault with everyone and had to break down now and then. The following antidotes are from actual experiences I know of. Some may have involved me and some may have not. I share them with you now and LAUGH.... but some I can look back at and remember at the time.....I may NOT have been SMILING :(

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I remember a call that came out to help someone regarding a lock out of their car. On arrival the officer met with the complainant who stated he was locked out of his car and wondered if the officer could help him out. We used to carry slim jims ( a long thin piece of metal) to pop locks on cars. Well the officer using the slim jim, unlocked the car for the subject never looking for the keys that were supposed to be left inside the car. The officer also failed to ask the subject for any identification to match with the registration of the vehicle. So the subject thanks the officer for opening his car and gets in and ultimately drives off. About a half hour later, there is a call back to the same area to take a report of a stolen vehicle. Officers arrive at the scene and sure enough, the car with the lock out problem was actually stolen!!!

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There was a time when I wrote a person a citation for something....can't remember what it was. Of course this person was not very happy to have received this citation. I remember this person was yelling at me and telling me how they did not deserve the ticket. This person suddenly looked at me and told me what I could do with the ticket and proceeded to take the ticket and scrunch it up in a ball and threw it on the ground at my feet. This person then proceeded to walk away and tried to get into their car and leave. This was NOT a good thing to do.......you see the next thing that happened was this. I stopped them from getting into their car and handed them back their ticket along with another one for LITTERING!

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When we ended our tour at night, the squads would line up on the ramp that led to the basement garage. The overhead door was on a timer and each squad would have so many seconds to make it inside the garage, before the overhead door would come down. Some of the more adventurous officers would challenge the overhead door and timer and go in one after the other. If you were higher on the ramp you had less of a chance of making it through before the overhead door came down, unless you timed it perfectly. Well one night yours truly was higher up on the ramp and decided to play Rambo.....all squads ahead of me had made it through and I was right on the back end of the last squad, thinking I had plenty of time. Thinking I had pulled off the coupe de grace from the highest position ever on the ramp, my worst nightmare appeared right before my eyes............THE OVERHEAD DOOR WAS COMING DOWN AND I WAS HALF WAY INTO THE GARAGE!!!......yes folks, this is the one were I was NOT smiling :) The sound of crunching metal, breaking glass and running footsteps is one I will not forget for a long time. The site of my overhead squad lights lying in a heap on the ramp outside the garage is also a memory that will last with me for quite some time as well. My LT. came around the corner of the garage and just stood there with his hands on his hips shaking his head smiling. He knew what I had tried to do.....the next night in roll call I was awarded my banged up squad light lens.....what was left of them. I will leave it at that and say that the extra VACATION day I was awarded was quite warranted ;)

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I get a call of a possible rabid possum in a park that is threatening people. It's a park that is very close to a nice neighborhood and it is getting close to night time, so the potential for this possum to cause some problems is high.

I get there and sure enough, there is a possum there and it is as BIG AS A CAT!!!!!!!!......and it is hissing at several people that are surrounding it and also foaming at the mouth. NOT good signs. So I tell the people to move back and I try to get a hold of the animal control officer, but of course he is out of town.....just my luck.

This possum starts to charge at the people that are surrounding it, me included.....so I figure I'm going to have to put it down. So I call in for a supervisor to get the ok and to let dispatch know that there is going to be A (remember the "A" ) shot fired. I get the ok from the brass and I take out some hollow point (wad cutters) ammunition, because I don't want to use the expensive rounds I carry that the department issues. FIRST MISTAKE!

Now, I tell everyone to get behind me and I make sure that no one is down range and I'm just about ready to make my first shot, when some lady starts yelling about animal rights and looking at me as if I'm some kind of serial killer!

I try to explain to her that the possum is sick and rabid and is a danger to the public and yada yada yada.....but she is having no part in it......so I turn back and shoot anyway. I hit the possum straight on, but it doesn't go down! In fact, now it is really pissed off at me and starts coming toward me......remember the "A" (meaning "one" shot), well thank god I loaded the cylinder (ya was carrying a revolver back then, not my 45......wish I had my 45, because one shot would have been all it would have taken.......and not 5 MORE!!!!!!

Yes folks you heard me right.........I had to shoot that possum 6 times before it took it's final step. Those wad cutters just would not put that bad boy down......and that possum had a mission I guess. And yes, the animal rights lady......went ballistic each time I shot and made a complaint to the brass.......which of course went unfounded.

Oh also, I guess dispatch got quite a lot of calls from the surrounding homes thinking that the neighborhood was under siege from all the shots they heard that night....lol.

Now you would think the story ends there right......well that would be a big fat NO!!! You see I happened to tell this story to a "friend" of mine once, and this "friend" found the story quite amusing to say the least. I will let the following link speak for itself........ Wisconsin Possum Police Department. Cats can be Devils at times I swear ;)

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Any other officers out there that have an amusing story that they would like to share, feel free to drop me an e-mail. I will gladly read it and if it fits I would be happy to share it with the rest of my visitors. Just let me know if you wish to remain as Officer X......lol.

Memories is a page where you can catch a glimpse of me in uniform and also read several moving poems dedicated to myself and others that have worn or now wear the badge.